Strings with the past
My Life in a nutshell
April 20, 2009
Woo…I am 20 now, the last year of my teenage has passed, plus I am doing engineering in a decent college and enjoying life. Sweet na??? And off course there is this girl I really really like.
May 25, 2009
It is raining outside.
I am outside, still 20 and in love. Crazy about this special someone I can’t get my mind off. Thinking of her keeps me awake all night, I dream of her in my sleep and when I wake up I am thinking of her. I look at her first thing in the morning, either in the poster I had bought a couple of months ago or on my desktop. I dream about meeting her every day. I dream about telling her how much I love her every day. The dreams can be fleeting glimpses of reality or really really long talks where I put it all out. I love her flat. There is no denying it. But the fact is I am never going to meet her. She is unapproachable. No matter how hard I try I won’t get to make my first proposal. I won’t get to meet her. I won’t get a chance at life. I won’t get to touch her, to smell her, to feel her. To even talk to her. And you thought you were screwed. There are so many who have loved and lost. But they have memories. What do I have? I have moments when I see the love of my life being romanced by men much stronger and much more successful than me. And you thought your life was screwed.
In short, I am 20, in love and I know my love will always remain a one sided affair…..bittersweet…..
I used to think I knew what love was. The new definition just hit me. And hard. As the rain pours down on me I find my cheeks wet. Whether it is the tears of the sky that drench me or those that have broken loose from my eyes, I don’t know. What I do know, is that I am definitely in love. And I am loving it although I don’t like what life has in store for me. My first crush rightly said…trust me you are the utter romantic.
It rains on.
I can’t believe you actually fell for something as dumb as that.
Life can be a bitch…does that change anything???
One moment you are dancing with joy prepared for anything that may come your way. The very next might not even be yours to claim. Life is to be truthful, cruel. It can give you unbearable happiness…your first son…it can give you unbearable pain born dead. It’s funny how it can wipe happiness of your face as if alphabets from a boy’s notebook.
Life is irreversible, uncontrollable and insensitive. That doesn’t really change anything, does it? What has to be has to be. What can’t be can’t. One moment you start counting the stars the next moment your father becomes one of them, or as they say….life can be utter happiness and life can be a pain alternating, excruciating, intolerable and agonizing at the most and an unimaginable pain of the heart bleed at the least. Life can be as beautiful as a princess dressed in lavender bathed in silk looking out of the window in the early morning and it can be like Cleopatra cunning and crude but charming and inviting temptation. Life can be as sweet as chocolate, as cold as ice-cream as junky as burgers as Chinese as pizza and as lifeless as your loved one’s corpse.
Life can definitely be a bitch when it wants to so do what you gotta do no matter what.