Sunday, March 22, 2009

The NighT B4 mah WedD1ng

The sun blazes down at me from the sky above. It’s a very pleasant morning and I am due to be married today. And again I have a confession to make to my beloved. She is lying in front of me eyes closed sleeping merrily peacefully after who knows how long. She made a confession yesterday. It went on like this.
We had just made love but she seemed lost. After a year of her I could tell her every mood, list all her different smiles and knew her better than her herself as she liked to put it. But there was one thing about her that she hadn’t told me and that she said yesterday.
“Love I want to tell you something.”
“Hmm….I am listening, girl.”
“Promise me that you won’t be angry.”
“I won’t sugar.
“If you do get angry which I am sure you will then I won’t ask you to marry me.”
“I will marry you even if I were to die.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Then tell me what’s wrong.”
“Nothing is wrong maybe it is, and it is just that well…I don’t know how to say it but if you are to marry me which you definitely won’t, then you should know.”
“I would prefer to die rather than walk on our wedding day. Come on say it. I can guarantee it won’t be new to me.”
“It is.”
“Accepted! Guilty charged. Now spill the beans will you?”
“It is that um…uh…I am a prostitute.”
I couldn’t help laughing…but then I couldn’t help have a sinking feeling which her face confirmed.
“That isn’t funny. You are marrying me tomorrow, rather today its midnight already.”
“I am not kidding. That’s precisely why I never told you about my past.”
Silence maneuvered over us for a moment steering us to eye talk.
When she did manage to finally make me believe that what she was saying was true I wasn’t really shocked.
Maybe a bit surprised that she was telling me.
“So you are not lying.”
“Afraid not. No.”
“You want to talk about it?”
“Yeah, if you don’t want to marry me it is fine, I understand.”
“Not the marriage, the past. Let me hear you out. Tell me everything about your past, now please.”
“You aren’t angry.”
“No baby I am not but you are sad and I can see that.”
“Tell me everything right now.”
“I don’t know.”
“Lady I am marrying you tomorrow, I gotta know if I am right.”
“I don’t know, there are things that I don’t think I should tell you, my past is not exactly a future a girl can dream of.”
“You lived it. Now let me burn in it.”
“You sure?”
“Couldn’t have been surer.”
“Yup…starting the day you were born and I was posted my lover.”
A smile finally and she started what I am going to end.
“I was born on 20th April 1993.”
“It was the worst day of life for both my parents.”
“Yeah that hurts alright.”
“My mother was like me, a whore. My father was a millionaire so he made her his mistress.”
“They had met in a bar where mom had been dancing and from there on…you know…”
“My dad was in the late forties, as for my mom she was barely twenty.”
“Nine months later, I was born.”
“Shaun I am sorry I should have told you earlier.”
“You are telling me now, go on.”
“Well it went on from there. Dad paid for my studies, for mom’s designer clothes and so on…”
“They were both sorry that it had happened but for some goddamn reason they kept me.”
Saying this she started crying.
Right now she needed my touch, words of consolation. But I didn’t know whether I should tell her to stop. I was acting selfish and I was very much aware of it more than even she was but I wanted to know if she really loved me and there was only one way of doing that.
I sat impatiently waiting for the tears to stop, I didn’t know whether they were crocodile or not but I really wanted to hug her tell her I was there but what if she was going to betray me?I didn’t want to be a heart bleed drunk for the rest of my life.
It is tough painful in fact to see the one you love more than your life being tried in the court of insanity in front of you. I didn’t want to hear anything else except that she loved me but I needed to I don’t know why, something inside me was tending to squash her choke her but the bigger part was crying his voice out. An utter state of misery and torture. I think I now understand those people in the movies who watch their own die.
Eventually the tears dried out and she continued.
“I was nine when I saw my father alive for the last time. The next time I saw him an hour later he was dead. School had been closed for some reason. When his chauffeur picked me up from school he was his normal self all fixed portrait smiles and no words. When I entered the main bedroom at home it was a mess. Things were lying scattered here and there but the thing that caught my eye was his body. Mom had picked a job somewhere and would be coming home late. At the site of his body my heart fell apart however he was, good or bad he was my father. I cried all day and all night. Mom never came back from her job, god knows what it was. My mom’s friends took me in. Dad had left me nothing. Poor thing, apparently he had died without making a will. All his millions went into some charity fund. Well that’s what the lawyer who came the next day said. He knew about us of course, dad trusted him with his life. Later we came to know through the newspaper that the lawyer had played dad and all his savings, assets, property had been seized by some bloody politicians in the name of income tax. The people that took me in were bar dancers and strippers, all of them working in my mom’s bar. They managed me but didn’t have enough to take me through school. I had to drop in tenth. They called tutors whenever they could but all of them turned out to be hopeless, just trying to earn cash. I was growing into my teenage.”
“My daily expenses were increasing.”
“I don’t remember when I started but one day a guy in the bar approached me and said”
”I will pay you fifty dollars an hour”.
“The thought of that kind of money mesmerized me and won me over. I wouldn’t have agreed but the ongoing rate at that time was ten so at the thought of my aunt’s, I obliged.”
“Most of my time, my teenage had been spent in that bar so I knew how to do what. I knew what excited men. From there on I became a stripper and then slowly a prostitute.”
“Initially the money was good and I had accepted my fate but then you came and I didn’t know what to do, I started having colorful dreams again.”
“The way you looked at me that day when we first met, I could kill for that.
You didn’t make me feel like a whore. You made me feel like a woman. I love you for that and always will even if you don’t marry me.”
And of course the day you proposed, naked in bed showing me a ring.
“Shaun the time I spent with you was the best of my life and will always be. Thank you for that. I think I should leave now.”
“What now? Where will you go?”
“I don’t know. I got fifty dollars on me so that’s a start I guess.”
“What about a date?”
“Excuse me? A date?”
“Oh come on, just the one.”
“Anything for you! Even if for one last time!”
“Our last date! And yeah a pretty long one for that matter says…uh…um…forever.”
“Till forever of course…”
She was stunned to say the least.
Well I guess naked in bed again as the last time and she liked that so what the hell, I thought. I am going to propose again.
“Girlie, will you marry me?”
“Well I have already given you the ring so will a kiss do?”
“And of course one large party with lots of vodkas and beers…”
“I know everything now at least and I still wanna marry you.”
“You do?”
“Yeah and I always will.”
“And I am sorry that I doubted you.”
We made love again then and it had been the best night of our life. She has woken up smiling into the daylight streaming like the red in the rose and now it’s time for my confession.
One dreary eye opened with love…
“Shaun I love you.”
“Yeah…say it fast, I am dreaming of loving you… ”
“I have a confession to make…”
“Is it as bad as mine?”
She put a sleepy arm around me and smiled. The smile on her face will keep me alive forever.

Saturday, March 21, 2009


I wanna runaway

Somewhere far far away
Where life is not grey,
Where it doesn’t rain pain everyday
Where trouble stays at bay,
And where there is a ray
That can make me say
Everything is fine everyday

I wanna runaway

To someplace nice
Where I can eat fish and rice
Without the fear of mice,
Where love doesn’t come at a price
And where life doesn’t grip you in a vice
And where happiness will suffice
For people to be nice

I wanna runaway

To a new place
Away from this rat race
Where money is a craze,
Where people have lost their grace
And veiled even their face

I wanna runaway

To somewhere
Where I can stay bare
And yet become a pair
Where people care
But such a place is rare
So I better not dare….

I wish I could runaway….
I so wish I could runaway…